I have been a really good boy this year, honest. I only got very drunk once, and I blame the Ola Dubh, surely you can forgive me that? I've worked really very hard indeed to build my brewery up and get good beer out to more people. My pressie list isn't really that long at all.
My friend Steve Wellington has been given a really nice shiny new £1 million brewery to take over from his splendidly and romantically old fashioned but ageing White Shield brewery. He's really very excited about it and I'm happy for him, after all he is a shining example of how major brewing corporations can be persuaded to invest in tasty and interesting beer.
I'd like to pretend not to be jealous of Steve, but I can't. Actually, I'm completely green. Is that wrong? Probably, but I still want one too.
I haven't got a big multinational brewery to fund my little project. I'd love to have a 22.5 barrel brew length, but I can't afford it yet. I'd like to have an external calandria a on my copper, a separate hop-back and a mash tun that digs itself.
It is also very pretty. I'll admit that all that gleaming stainless stirs physical reactions that should be reserved for the sight of bare flesh, but I'm a brewer and every brewer understands that reaction.
Please can I have a shiny new brewery too? I promise not to get drunk again next year, well, not too often, really, honest, and if I do, it's the beers fault.
If I can't have one then I suppose I'll just have to go and brew with Steve again in the New Year, he said he'd let me play with his new toy. See, that's what mates are for.
Lots of Christmas Love